Dear Philothea

So...

In the face of all things going on right now, I have developed a romantic attraction to someone. I've had itty bitty attractions here and there over the past 4 years, but none quite this large since then. Do I like it? In a way. What girl doesn't? Yet at the same time I strongly dislike it. I'm usually very outgoing and friendly with guys, but I don't even dare let this particular person catch me looking at him. I blush and quickly avert my eyes. What?! This is NOT the regular Brittany. Also, having his face pop up in my mind while I'm working on a science test is not the best thing. Not to mention that my prayers become interrupted with random thoughts of...*gulp*...him. This is rather normal, isn't it? Well, yes it is, but it's fair to say that I enjoyed life much more when I wasn't attracted to anyone. Jesus was my only Prince for a very long time, and I want to keep it that way. Oh, He still is, but He now shares a space in my thoughts with someone else. I do think that this is an excellent opportunity for me to really, I mean REALLY, cling to Jesus. If I don't, I'm very sure I'll slip and fall down the steep, arduous mountain that I've been trying to climb up this past year. I think it's very odd how I suddenly developed an attraction just as I'm about to head off to a vocation retreat. Or maybe I'm just analzying things too deeply. Le sigh.

Oh, and tomorrow I'm watching the Exorcist with a huge bag of chocolate by my side. Chocolate is very near and dear to me. It has always been there to see me through life's hardest situations. I expect that it will comfort me as I watched a demon possessed girl crawling backwards down the stairs--upside down. Oh dear.