I finished rereading Alice von Hildebrand’s Privilege of Being a Woman recently, and I was struck by how more awesome the book was the second time around! I appreciated her wisdom and insight much more this time, for she makes some highly astute observations which are interesting to chew on.
1) Modern society’s values totally harm women. Seriously, peeps. Our culture tells us that money, fame, creativity, uniqueness , and physical beauty (read: a tan and skinny legs) are the things that should be sought after and revered the most. The role models presented to women by our society are models, actresses, singers, politicians…people NOT known for their intelligence, education, humility, charity or wisdom; we don’t read celebrity gossip about folks who are saints to their cranky grandparents or watch the news about someone who has actually read the entire Summa Theological and edited an illustrated, annotated version of it. Instead, we watch Lady Gaga dance scantily clad and learn about the latest Hollywood blonde bombshell.
We look down on things like physical weakness and humility—spending inordinate amounts of time (and money) on getting a fit and gorgeous body is encouraged, even expected. And humility? Geez, this is the 21st century! Humility is another word for a depressed, repressed soul who lacks proper self-confidence. Not desirable at all!
If women are the ‘weaker’ sex and are called in a special way to be reliant on God and humble in His sight, then this modern society that does not value humility and vastly prefers self-confidence and self-reliance to dependence and reliance on others, is not going to think this ‘weakness’ is a good thing.
And if women are called more strongly to love, because of their generally more sensitive and understanding nature, a society in which charity and self-sacrifice are rather archaic concepts probably isn’t going to appreciate that very much either.
2) What do we mean by the ‘weak sex’, besides physical weakness? Alice discusses many different types of weaknesses that women could be said to have. Some of these weaknesses might be considered ‘cons’, but some are most definitely ‘pros’ in her (and my) book. So, weakness could mean…
a. Women are more vulnerable—emotionally and physically.
b. Women have less control of their emotions, they are more sensitive.
c. Women take feelings more seriously
The ‘cons’ of these weaknesses are many…because women take feelings more seriously, women can “dwell upon [their feelings] and fall into self-centeredness” and emotionalism. Their judgment can be clouded by emotion, and they need men’s guidance to distinguish between valid and irrational emotions. They can be lured into sexual sin with the promise of ‘eternal love’… They worry more, they grieve more, they cry more.
However, don’t be offended or discouraged! There are many ‘pros’ to these weaknesses as well. As St. Paul said, “it is when I am weak that I am strong.”
Because women are more easily wounded, more vulnerable, they are more worthy and in need of protection. This can build men up, inspire them to fight and lay down their lives for the women they love. Women’s weakness can touch men’s hearts and inspire them to be other-centered.
Women may cry more and grieve more and have less emotional control, but this isn’t something to be embarrassed of! As Alice says, “Tears are the proper response to brutality, injustice, cruelty, blasphemy, hatred. Christ wept when He saw Jerusalem, and when He came to Lazarus’s tomb.” Some tears can be self-centered, but others can be holy!!
And women may take feelings more seriously than logical thinking, but sometimes this is right. The “heart has its reasons that reason knows not”, as Pascal said. Women are meant to help men get in touch with this sentimental, emotional side of them; women have the power, no, the responsibility to humanize men.
Ultimately, Christ showed us that—through His incarnation and crucifixion—that embracing our weakness is true strength. We are all weak and we all suffer. Acknowledging this is crucial and turning to God in prayer is the right response to our awareness of our weaknesses.
So, think about this: Alice says that “women are more geared to piety because they have a keener awareness of their weakness. This is their true strength.” What a lovely paradox.
3) Feminism wars against Christianity!
This second key point of von Hildebrand’s startled me a bit. Feminists reject the idea that woman is weak, dependent, called to serve and love disinterestedly. But ALL are called to this in Christian teaching! Christ said to take up our crosses and follow Him. He said that to love God and neighbor was the most important thing, that in serving others we become great. Christianity says that man is weak, but with God’s help, all things are possible.
Von Hildebrand’s point is that women are metaphysically made to be better at these things—loving and serving—than men (for various reasons, including that women focus on the individual persons rather than abstract ideas of humanity and also that women are more in tune with feelings than men and are more sympathic—as a general rule). However, men are also called to this loving and serving. Each person is, in their own way, called to follow Christ, to be weak, dependent, loving and serving. Feminism tells women not to live thusly. But loving and serving are what women excel at! Feminism is actually telling women not to do something that they actually are metaphysically more equipped to do than men!
4) About feelings…
Alice talks at length about different sorts of feelings, but I just wanted to make one quick point. She says that each person should try to cultivate valid, holy feelings in their heart. Feelings should not be discounted. Yes, they cannot be controlled and some are destructive, but this does not make all emotions inferior to logical thoughts!! There are some emotions that one should resist and others that one should cultivate. Feeling happiness in the face of some evil should be resisted whereas feeling peaceful in the presence of the Eucharist should be encouraged. (Because they cannot be controlled by us, beautiful emotions are in fact lovely gifts from God that should be accepted gratefully when they come.) Women should not be embarrassed about her feelings, especially since her heart is what makes her vulnerable—and an awareness of that vulnerable part of us is what helps us to rely on God and trust in Him as we should.
In sum, Alice says that “it is unwarranted to regard women as inferior because feelings play a central role in their lives. If the feelings vibrating in their hearts are noble, appropriate, good…and pleasing to God, then they are precious jewels in God’s sight.
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