Showing posts with label Chuck Norris. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chuck Norris. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Commencement

The best way to begin any story is to say:

"So, I was at Target today..."

Everyone knows that any story that begins with the words:

"So, I was at Target today..."

is going to be a ridiculously awesome story. Or, at least, your audience will be fooled into thinking that it's a ridiculously awesome story, because they are still not over the ridiculous awesomeness of your opening sentence:



"So, I was at Target today..."


That, my dear friends, is called strategy. More specifically, it's called good strategy. I most ardently urge you to employ it as ubiquitously as possible.


So.

I was at Target today.

My little brother and I were shopping for birthday cards, graduation cards, and water guns. That's right, water guns. Gotta love going shopping with the seven-year-old midget child.


So, I'm browsing through all the numerous graduation cards: college graduation cards, bad humor graduation cards, graduation cards with the Obamas on them, sappy graduation cards, kindergarten graduation cards, and graduation cards of penguins wearing mortarboards (<<mais pour quoi?>> as our French brethren would say...)...Then, my little brother asked me:
"Why don't they have graduations going into highschool?"
Putting away the graduation card with the cute duckling on it, I responded: "Pardon?"
He explained, "They have graduations going into college, but not going into highschool." And I said, "No, no, dear, graduation is at the end. It's at the end of highschool, and then the end of college."

Then, as our conversation turned to other matters, I let the matter rest. But, then I realized that it's not called "commencement" for nothing. When I was younger, the word commencement always confused me, because I knew there was that-thing-that-happened-at-the-end-of-high-school, called commencement, so I always assumed that commencement meant "the ending." But it means beginning.


Commencement is a time of new beginnings, of fresh starts, of new adventures.
Commencement celebrates the adventures you've already had, your accomplishments and achievements, but it also invites you into a new world, full of new lessons, journeys and a new stage in life. And that, my friends, is something to celebrate.

Mark Twain (an author whose writings I thoroughly detest [sorry, Mark, dear]), has an absolutely beautiful quote: "To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with." I've been waxing nostalgic the entire weekend, as I've collected photos for photo boards, hugged friends, smiled, laughed and reminisced. And I've been thinking often about the girls who write this blog. And I'm so thankful for them. For their friendships. Because all the tears, giggles, hugs, pie nights, and beautiful experiences would mean nothing without the people we share those adventures with.


The world beyond commencement is a brave new world. But I know we can face it as long as we have our awesome-sauce friends by our sides.



Friday, February 5, 2010

On Chuck Norris and Mr. Darcy...

I've officially created the most cosmic title ever, and I don't think this post will ever be able to live up to it.

Nope. Not a chance.


Anywho, to get on with it:


I love me some Chuck Norris.

And I'm an Austen freak/a teenage girl/a Romantic with a literary bent, so I think all you intelligent gentlefolk can gather what my sentiments are concerning that literary hero known as Mr. Darcy.

I was in the throes of some bizzare and strange mood, and I decided to type into the Google search engine: "Chuck Norris Vs. Mr. Darcy." Don't ask me what my impetus was. Some Sudden Fit of Madness had overcome my psyche and was pulling me down into the Vast Wasteland of Insanity, and all that sort of thing.

But, lo and behold, I struck gold.
(^Is that a Seussian sentence or what?)

I found an excessively diverting website full of "Mr. Darcy Facts"!!!


Be still my wildly beating heart.



But soft, what words through yonder computer screen break?



I never had known bliss until that sight.


A silent, girlish shriek of pleasure and delight sounded in my mind when I beheld these "Mr. Darcy Facts."
(You know...like Chuck Norris "Facts"?...see 'cause its Mr. Darcy-- instead of--it's all clever and...stuff)

Who was the genius who thought these up?

Who could possibly be cosmic enough to contain such monumental geniosity?

The answer to these questions was clear. It's the supreme answer to all questions:


Chuck Norris.

Oooohhhh yeaaaah.

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth, and Mr. Darcy declared they were "tolerable."
(Oh no he di'n't! I can't decide if this is horribly blasphemous, or just plain amazing.)

Mr. Darcy was once accosted by a gang of ruffians. By the end of the tussle all involved had given him all they had, and gone out to get him more.

Mr Darcy made up the last digits of pi.

Mr. Darcy is the reason why Mona Lisa is smiling.
(PHF=100)(DCF=550)

Like Vin Diesel, Mr. Darcy killed a man with his teacup. Unlike Vin Diesel, Mr. Darcy had his pinky up.

These completely disarm me.
All I can do is laugh like a snurge and cry out: "More! More!"

P.S. This is a snurge.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Because I haven't done this in a while...

Quotebook time!!
Oh, please. You know you're excited.
"Hey! I found a sub, so you don't have to teach!" ---Mary, to a confused and befuddled Renee
"What up, homeskillet buscuit face?" ---Ben Share
"My inner ear itches. Seriously."---Lainey, while puppeteering a Pigeon
"Chuck doesn't hold a candle to you. He holds a flame-thrower to you and fries you into Brittany McNuggets!"--Sam
"Don't associate llamas with muslims."--Brittany