The Count-Down Continues

There are officially 25 days until Christmas. So, study hard, work hard, shop hard, bake hard!

This question has been thrown in my face on Facebook, MSN, Hotmail, YAHOO, and other random websites:

"Would you date a vampire?"

Dun, dun, dun!

Um, no. I wouldn't. I don't care how many girls think that vampires are "sexy", I do not care for a lover of mine to find it invigorating to bite my neck in order to draw out my blood so that it can slide down his throat and into his intestine. That was probably more information than anyone needed to hear. Still, who can blame me for saying it? No girl will ever have a vampire as a boyfriend, so why continue discussing how romantic it would be to date one (besides, I still don't get how blood-sucking fangs are romantic)? Oh, and this whole "vegetarian vampire" delio thing in the Twilight series=WEIRD. A vegetarian vampire? That just makes me guffaw. Apparently a vampire can only be a vegetarian if he eats animals, not humans. Wouldn't that just make him a carnivore vampire? Isn't a vampire just a psychologically disturbed human? Oh wait, a vampire is also a bat. Dude, word up, this is way more mind twisting than I thought. I'm just going to drop the subject and let girls dream about dating bats disguised as humans.

If you were sitting on Jesus' lap right now, and He asked you to tell him your Christmas wishes, what would you say? I think in this scenerio, I would feel inclined to tell Him my deepest desires. Yes, I would love world peace, end of starvation, and a morally steadfast world, but those are all generalizations of terrible things. Behind the idea of world peace is a picture depicting the reasons why there never has and never will be world peace. Behind the idea of ending starvation is a picture depicting the reasons why there always has and always will be constant hunger. Behind the idea of a morally steadfast world is a picture depicting the reasons why there never has and never will be a united people with the same principles and understandings. These things can never happen in this time, at least. And why? My answer has and always will be "love". Love is at the very root of things. Love enables us to be peacemakers, to be generous, to want good. So often, I think, people are unable to truly understand what love is. Is love a feeling? Is love a chemical? Is love a choice? I don't believe love can ever be clearly defined because it is so complex. There are certainly many examples of love, but can love be described in a few simple sentences? I think an entire book could be written on the concept of love, and it would still not be clearly defined. I think this is because love is the very core of God. I definitely think we can reach this core--we ourselves can internally understand what love is--but it is impossible to explain with words. Hence the saying, "Actions Speak Louder Than Words". :)

Well, I'm about ready to drop dead with fatigue. I love that word. It sounds so sophisticated. Fatigue. Fatigue. Yes, it's wonderful.

I am thankful for (first things that pop to mind)...

Jesus
Cameras
Pie
My girls (aka, Lady Desdemona, Juliet, Jessica, Lady Cecilia, Portia, and those not listed in the blog)
Computers
Cell phones
Bagels
Cream Cheese
Chocolate
Reeses Pieces
Peanut M&M's
Friends
Kenny
Jimmy
Brent
Family
Waitresses
Coca-Cola
Ice cream
Shoes
My bed
My hairbrush
Vaseline
Cookies
Ink
Printers
Ms. Spring
Ms. Lee
Ms. Kemink
My late father
Pencils
Gum
Soup
Dresses
Skirts
Sweaters
Comfy jeans
Necklaces
Purity ring
Deodorant
Sparkling water
The Malt Shop
Holy Family Church
Books
Blogging
Keyboards
Pianos
iPods
Music
Blankets
Good grades
Laughter
Children
Lamps
Fireplaces
Bids
Nature
People
Movies
Washing machine
Dryer machine
Electricity
Running water
Tea
Cocoa
Surprises

After school (which shall end in approx. 12 minutes), I'm helping a Guatemalan immigrant with his theatre homework. It should be interesting. Today he asked "why people wore their pants down to their knees". The question actually took me by surprise because every one I know is rather used to that fashion. He certainly isn't. I believe he will be a refreshing friend. I'm super excited to learn about his culture. I shall fill all of you in once I have more details. Maybe people in Guatemala actually dress decently. Whoo!

A week ago my school had a choir/band/orchestra concert. The orchestra was, ahem, pretty awful. I don't hold it against them since this orchestra was just formed, and consists of about 15 people total. Yeah, not good. Anyway, while they were performing their pieces, I was sitting in my chair wincing and squirming and wishing I had my iPod on hand so that I could listen to the New York Philharmonic. Anyway, as I was wincing, squirming, and wishing I had my iPod on hand so that I could listen to the New York Philharmonic, I realized something. Beautiful music sounds like it belongs in heaven, wouldn't you agree? Of course you do. Now, the music this school orchestra was playing certainly didn't sound like it belonged in heaven--more like purgatory. And then I had this thought: what if my life was like this music? What if my life caused Jesus to wince and squirm (I can't picture Jesus listening to an iPod, so I'll leave that out of there)? Lately I've been in the worst spiritual state possible--lukewarm. I've been trying to change it, but I'm so easily distracted that I can't stay in prayer for 10 seconds. To continue: if my life is like a squeaky orchestra, wouldn't Jesus want it to be a beautiful philharmonic? After all, HE'S the one listening to the distasteful sounds day after day. So this is my "spiritual object: a violin. St. Therese's "spiritual object" was a violet. Her simple beauty and fragrance brought great glory and happiness to Jesus. I want my violin to bring sweet music to His ears. Right now that violin is a little rusty, but I think with continuing practice it will grow into a graceful melody of beautiful notes.

School is over. I'm off to help Navin (aka the Guatemala student).

PHF - 95

You know that there is still hope and light in a world where a song about getting hugs from fireflies becomes a smash hit. I give thanks for those who try to maintain a sense of childlike wonder in a world that can be so dark and cynical.

Happy Thanksgiving. Today is only 32 days away from Christmas.

From the Random Bucket...

Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Jane Austen

I was going through my old scripts the other day (because I was in a pensive mood-and I do that sort of thing when I'm in a pensive mood), and I found these little thoughts written in, around, and all over the pages and covers of my Pride and Prejudice Script. I haven't read these since May, but I think they merit a re-visiting...

Without further ado:

• Opposites attract, but they must learn to meet in the middle. (E.g., Lizzie and Darcy: Darcy is her soulmate, because they both need each other- he starts out cold & proud, Lizzie starts out immature-his coldness is melted by my "fine eyes", representing my character, which is on par, and every bit as strong as his. My immaturity (manifest in my rash judgement) is tempered by him. I grow up, he loosens up. I am searching for a soulmate- I refuse to settle for less. My character is attracted to Darcy's character-only when I discover his character to be good and true.)



• Prejudice comes from my [Elizabeth's] fierce loyalty-almost the same reasons as Darcy's failings. E.g. Miss Bingley is an obvious snob. Therefore, [Miss Bingley's]warning [about Wickham] (a true, good warning,) is disregarded because it comes from her lips. This is prejudice, because why should she not be correct, although she is a snob? But, how else is one to judge someone and their actions, and words than by one's previous knowledge of them?
  
  
• PRIDE--Choosing not to love out of fear. Out of fear of being rejected, of not being loved back.
  
  
• Just love! "A life lived in fear is a life half lived."
  
  
• To love was why woman was created. [Ed. Note: This was written in reference to Genesis, and how Eve was created to be a companion for Adam. Adam was told to "fill the earth and subdue it" (Genesis 1: 28), but Eve was made for Adam, because Adam was lonely. God said "It is not good for the man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18) So, what did He do? He made a companion for Adam; and since He's God, obviously He's going to give Adam the perfect companion. That perfect companion was Woman. How sweet/adorable/romantic/lovely/beautiful/mind-boggling/earth-shattering/"inconceivable!" is that? Honestly, I think that's just the best thing ever.]
  
  
• Strong characters are attracted by character, not [exterior] beauty. Eyes express strength of character-windows to the soul.
  
  
• People project what they are onto other people.
  
  
• Obstinancy is his [Darcy's] true failing-perhaps like mine[Lizzie's].
  
  
• I pride myself on being the opposite of Jane (she sees only good in others at all costs), but I pride myself on seeing all and having no qualms about criticizing it.[Ed. Note--Can I say I find it simply fascinating, delightful, delicious, and quintessentially ironic that Lizzie's real fault is pride! Truly, it is: Lizzie is a clever, intuitive girl-the cleverest and most intuitive in her circle of aquaintance. Therefore, there's a little, wee bit of pride-the knowledge that she is better than everyone else. She prides herself on her ability to read character, and her good judgment. She's spiritually on an entirely different plane than everyone else in her family and her friends, and she's fallen into the trap of pride-the mistake of thinking herself "a cut above the company," as a wise, dashing young gentleman once said. But by the end of the story, Lizzie is a much humbler character. She's still witty, clever, and vivacious; but she has learned wisdom and humility.]
  
  
• Lizzie's attraction to Wickham is a vital ( i.e., physical) attraction. Physical attraction is blind-it sees only one side of the person-the side that the person wants you to see, or the side that you wish to see.
  
  
• Lizzie feels a respect that can lead to love-one must have respect-gratitude. Lizzie does not love Darcy as yet; but then her physical and vital attraction is awakened by Pemberly. I see a beauty & splendor of Darcy's that can rival Wickham's glamour. Only when Darcy's character was proved good did his wealth become attractive."If gratitude and esteem are good foundations of affection, Elizabeth's change of sentiment will be niether improbable nor faulty." --P&P Chapter 46
  
  
• "Never had she so honestly felt that she could have loved him, as now, when all love must be vain." ---P&P Chapter 46
  
  
• "She began now to comprehend that he was exactly the man, who, in disposition and talents, would most suit her."---P&P Chapter 50
  
  
  So there you are. I love this story-it is arguably the greatest love story of modern English literature. Jane Austen wrote a masterpiece, and it never ceases to amaze me how much richness and beauty and Truth is contained within the pages of her book. P&P is one of the rare works that is a 'classic' in the full sense of the word-it's themes are universal, undying, and are at the heart of all our stories.
  
  

"Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it."---C. S. Lewis

This is for Mara. Your Mom said that you were not feeling well. Please feel better! We love you.

Perfect Humility

"I suddenly remembered that on one can enter heaven except as a child; and nothing is so obvious in a child-- not in a conceited child, but in a good child-- as its great and undisguised pleasure in being praised. Not only in a child, either, but even in a dog or a horse. Apparently what I had mistaken for humility had, all these years, prevented me from understanding what is in fact the humblest, the most childlike, the most creaturely of pleasures--nay, the specific pleasure of the inferior: the pleasure of a beast before men, a child before its father, a pupil before his teacher, a creature before its Creator. I am not forgetting how horribly this most innocent desire is parodied in our human ambitions, or how very quickly, in my own experience, the lawful pleasure of praise from those whom it was my duty to please turns into the deadly poison of self-admiration. But I thought I could detect a moment--a very, very short moment--before this happened, during which the staisfaction of having pleased those whom I rightly loved and rightly feared was pure. And that is enought to raise our thoughts to what may happen when the redeemed soul, beyond all hope and nearly beyond belief, learns at last that she has pleased Him whom she was created to please. There will be no room for vanity then. She will be free from the miserable illusion that is is her doing. With no taint of what we should now call self-approval she will most innocently rejoice in the thing that God has made her to be, and the moment which heals her old inferiority complex forever will also drown her pride deeper than Prospero's book. Perfect humility dispenses with modesty. If God is satisfied with the work, the work may be satisfied with itself; "it is not for her to bandy compliments with her Sovereign."

----C.S. Lewis, "The Weight of Glory"

Those of you who read my silly posts will clearly remember that I posted a particular blog about a boy. Ahem, yes, I know you remember. Anyway, lately I've found myself very attracted to quite a few different "men" (aka high school boys). Now, I'm not sure if this is because I'm suddenly around way more guys than I've ever been throughout my entire life, or whether I'm maturing mentally and emotionally and am naturally feeling inclined to find a mate. In any case, I've found that Jesus is slowly fading from my thoughts as boys consume them. This may sound quite sad, but it's actually shown me how much I appreciate Jesus and His constant love. See, a year ago I was going through a very difficult maturing stage in my relationship with Jesus. I felt as if He wasn't ever there, that He didn't love me, that He left me to fend for myself. While yes, He was indeed there, He did love me, and He was always there to help me fight my battles, I still felt very empty. I felt abandoned by Him. Although Jesus never abandons us, He sometimes quietly steps into the shadows. I didn't understand why Jesus left me at such a difficult time. It made no sense. I had very angry conversations with him often, but continued to beg for the grace to see His purpose in leaving me alone. In time I did. I couldn't fully love Jesus until I learned to love Him without receiving love in return. I was basically feeding back what He was giving me. That doesn't work in a relationship. I tried and am continually trying to love Him without feeling His love in return. However, there are many moments when my heart almost explodes with the love He has for me. Sometimes I have to stop doing what I'm doing to just catch my breath because it is so overwhelming. That overwhelming feeling is the feeling I should have for Him. This task is by far the hardest He has ever given me. To love someone whom you don't feel loves you in return is very difficult. It's clearly much easier to love someone whom you feel loves you back.

I kind of got off topic. Anyway, the reason I feel such an appreciation for Jesus' love is because no boy, however handsome or charming he is, will be able to love me the way Jesus does. It's now come to the point where I don't even need to feel Jesus' love in order to know how very dearly He loves and cares for me. In later years I will, if ever, be used in past tense when those boys say my name. They will probably know nothing about my whereabouts. I am glad to know that I will always be used in present tense or future tense when Jesus talks about me. It's relieving to know that He always has my best interest at heart. So yes, now I must do the task of bringing Jesus back into the forefront of my thoughts. I don't see how I will be able to stand strongly without doing so. I think I'll move to an all girls school. Just kidding. I'm going to put paper bags over every boy's head. Just kidding. I don't know how I'm going to handle the situation. Maybe the paper bag idea is the right way to go about things...:)