Dangerous

When you have a 1500 word philosophy paper due in less than a day, do NOT visit this blog. You will get sucked in. So many pretty, shiny books! I'm going to read this one, and this one, and oh look! My TBR (To-Be-Read) list is now 300+ books long!

Fashion Fridays

Yes, it is indeed that time of week again. A time when students of all ages are aquiver of anticipation for the two school-free days ahead and employees of all sorts go casual. It is, my friends, Fashion Friday!

Today's bit of flare and pizazz shall be what in the fashion world is called the hat. Many people believe that they cannot "do" hats, that is to say they cannot pull off that sense of savoir-faire necessary when wearing fashionable millinery. However, I think that anyone can wear a hat elegantly and tastefully, provided that the hat in question is the correct one for the wearer.

Here are a few examples:

April 20th, 1999

Today marks the 11th anniversary of the Columbine High School shootings. My dear friend and columbinus cast-mate called me late last night, after having spent the whole day holding back tears, and then finally being overwhelmed by them. She kept saying: "Why am I feeling like this? Why can't I let this go?"



There are so many people whose lives have been completely changed by the events that took place this day. And I feel disrespecful, in a way, saying that my own life has been changed by this day as well. I haven't lost a child, a friend, or a sibling. I haven't lived through blood-spattered halls and the sounds of gunshots, jeers, moans and screams. The pain all those people felt is something almost sacred, that I can't presume to even begin to understand or fathom. Their grief is something I can never feel.



But, without a doubt, Columbine has changed my life. columbinus was a show that changed me. I've been immersed in this story for over three months, and closing the show felt like coming up out of the water for a giant, refreshing breath of air. I was able to let go of the burden of the story; yet there's no way I can let go of the story itself. And I shouldn't.



There was one rehearsal, towards the beginning to the process, which was really difficult for me, and I broke down afterwards. We hadn't even started dealing with the Act II Columbine story, but I had just finished reading Columbine, by Dave Cullen (one of the reporters who covered the shootings), and I was so weighed down by the story. After rehearsal, I spent a good hour and a half talking with our awesome director and stage manager, and trying to find words to describe the feelings of grief that overwhelmed me. Then, on my way home, I stopped by the adoration chapel, and kneeling in the back, I looked up at the Eucharist. I realized I was sitting in front of the one person who had never let that story go; and He was still feeling the pain, the sorrow and the grief as acutely as He did that very day. As much as I was grieving for those 15 people, and as much as I loved them; He loved them infinitely more, and was grieving for what took place on April 20th. I realized that I could share all that sorrow with Him; He understood perfectly what I was feeling.
As a Littleton parent said: "There's no such thing as closure; they're our kids and we don't want to put them behind us." We don't always have to carry the burden of the story, but we can never let it go. Every single person deserves to have their story told-and never forgotten. It's the least we can do to try to right the wrong that was done to them.




There's a beauty and an awe in knowing there's a whole communion of people whose lives have also been touched by these events-who wake up on April 20th, knowing why this day is different from all other days. And now I'm a part of that connection.
We ARE Columbine.



We began columbinus in winter. We ended it in spring. Winter sometimes seems as though it will go on forever-we forget what it feels like to walk outside without freezing to death; feels like when the sun shines and the birds sing. By March, we begin to wonder if we'll ever see the spring. But spring always comes. Winter cannot last forever. Spring always comes.

That's the hope.





"We die many times and experience many forms of grief; but love...it never fails. "

"There are no words to convey how sorry we are for the pain that has been brought upon the community as a result of our son's actions. The pain of others compounds our own as we struggle to live a life without the son we cherished. In the reality of the Columbine tragedy and its aftermath, we look with the rest of the world to understand how such a thing could happen.
[...] We envision a time when circumstances will allow us to join with those who share our desire to understand. In the meantime, we again express our profound condolences to those whose lives have been so tragically altered. We look forward to a day when all of our pain is replaced by peace and acceptance."
~The Klebold family -- 4-15-2000



"Ever since that day we've been obsessed with moving on or getting back...so we've gone to gun control, the music, computer games, the school, the police, the parents...looking for someone to blame. But we always find ourselves back where we started asking the same question...

Why?"

I did that whole open-up-the-Bible-to-any-random-page-and-read-the-first-verse-you see-thing today, and received this little gift from God:


But the souls of the righteous are in the hand of God,
and no torment will ever touch them.


In the eyes of the foolish they seemed to have died,
and their departure was thought to be an affliction,


and their going from us to be their destruction;
but they are at peace.
For though in the sight of others they were punished,



their hope is full of immortality.(Wisdom 3:1-5)

Heavenly Music

It has been said that God speaks to us through music. When hearing truly beautiful music our human souls are lifted and elevated to unimaginable heights. Music has the ability to express to our senses the beauty of God's presence in the world and to realize his greatness.

Ave Maria - Verdi



O Mio Babbino Caro - Puccini

Spring has Sprung

And there's nothing more delightful than lying on the fresh green grass on a Sunday afternoon with the sun on your face while talking to a dear old friend (many thanks for the lovely conversation, Celia!).

Modest Wedding Dresses

There is something else that is interesting about immodesty, it is boring. Desdemona covered how boring bikinis are in a past post. However, doing research for a school paper(I got to pick whatever topic I wanted and thought modesty would be a good choice*I know you all agree*) I came across a little article, here is an excerpt:

"She's right — all those naked brides with their bare shoulders are so cliché. Women should be walking down the aisle with all kinds of sleeves."

Read the rest here:
http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2009/10/will_ivanka_trumps_wedding_dre.html

My YouTube favorites are many. Two of my top picks right now:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ss1CXo8QMi8&playnext_from=TL&videos=-6fZ-4lpL1s

And...

http://www.youtube.com/watchv=Zad2H2uwOGM&playnext_from=TL&videos=zmC7lG2BntM

Art

Art:

Or, What I Do To Chide the Hasty-Footed Time

Art consists of limitation. The most beautiful part of every picture is the frame.
G. K. Chesterton

Abstract Art: A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
Albert Camus

Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.
Thomas Merton

Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.
Pablo Picasso

Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does the better.
Andre Gide

Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere.
Gilbert K. Chesterton

Love of beauty is taste. The creation of beauty is art.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is painting a picture, not doing a sum.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

News from the Outside

While reading the newspaper a month ago, I came across an op-ed piece that would have been just another LA Times column were it not for the very last paragraph of the article. The author, who interestingly enough is a man, offers a thought that I didn't expect to see coming from this paper.

"Women civilize men. As a general rule, men will only be as civilized as female expectations and demands will allow. "Liberate" men from those expectations, and "Lord of the Flies" logic kicks in."

There's even a nod to the fact that not all "liberated women" (his words) proudly embrace the label "feminist" without reserve.

Full article here.

(Once I finally got around to posting this, the author, Jonah Goldberg, had another interesting column on the differences between "monsters" and "victims". As he puts it, "monster stories once told us that evil exists and that we shouldn't assume all motives are good and kind. [...] Meanness is no longer innate, it's the unfortunate side effect of being misunderstood, the forgivable self-defense mechanism of victims." Even Cookie Monster has suffered. Plus, he works in the Greek word telos, or final purpose of a thing. Major kudos for him.)

Lenten Reflections

As Lent passes by to a close once again (Really? Could six weeks have really passed by in such a blur?), I'm tempted to pause among the joyous celebrations of Easter. I look back at all the emotional highs that filled me on Ash Wednesday, at the resolutions of prayer, fasting, and sacrifice, at all of the potential for spiritual growth that this Lent held for me. Of course, not all of those things came into reality. The rosy promise of reform and repentance from ingrained sins and bad habits didn't play out in quite the way that I had expected, but this Lenten season proved to be fruitful in an unforeseen way.

For countless Lents the routine was always the same: as a family, we abstained from watching TV, and each individual then practiced their own private penance in addition to the communal one. It usually involved some variation of sacrificing sweets, computer games, or (the hardest thing in the world for me) extra reading time. This year, with a little extra prayer and a gentle nudge from God, I tried out something new. I sacrificed my day-dreams. Everyone has them, and in mine I took refuge from the dreary realities of Euclid, work-study, and cafeteria food. So I gave them up.

Every time I caught myself daydreaming, I offered a little prayer to God, and tried to think of something else. Theology class. Finding a roommate for next year. Studying props. Doing laundry. Ordinary things that all needed to be done. I tried to ground my mental life in reality, no matter how boring and mundane it was, because God has put me here and now for the purpose of being a good student and daughter with the ultimate goal of reaching heaven one day. Sounds like a noble mission, doesn't it? The problem is, all too often it's far more interesting to indulge in fantasies.

So I ended up learning a lot about myself, where I am spiritually, and just how much I need to rely on God's grace if I'm ever going to accomplish anything worth-while. I am not saying this trying to be modest -- it is the simple and literal truth. Without God's grace, I'd be a spiritual and mental wreck, and life wouldn't be worth living. I constantly need to be reminded of that fact.

Throughout this first year of being away from my family, of being responsible for balancing my life and all that is contained therein, I've come to a much deeper realization of just how easy it is to fall away from God -- not in a dramatic fashion of murder, or another "big" sin, but rather in the temptation to indifference. So many times, it became a choice between studying an extra 30 minutes before math class or going to Mass. A choice between an extra 10 minutes of sleep or a humble and complete morning offering. A sloppy confession squeezed in between work-study and dinner or a well-prepared one in the quiet before Mass. A series of little and seemingly-unimportant decisions accumulated into a semester's-worth of choices and habits, some good and some bad.

I've never been more aware of my spiritual frailty, yet at the same time, I am not filled with despair at the inevitability of failures and sins. In some ways it's just a resignation to the fact that I'm human, and as long as I'm alive here on this earth, losing God's grace through sin is a very real possibility. In another way, this awareness has allowed me to wrap myself more fully in the certitude of God's love for me -- the fact that no matter how many times I sin, over and over again, God will always be there ready to forgive me and shower me with his love and grace. And that is a humbling thought indeed.