Dear Philothea

My current Facebook status:

Brittany Last-Name-Shall-Not-Be-Revealed-Due-To-Potential-Stalker-Issues has firmly decided that I am not going to be classified as "white" anymore. I am not white. Have you seen the color white? Yes, you have. Peeps, my homies, my shizzle wizzle dizzles, I am now going to be classified as "peach". Or perhaps "cream with a pink undertone". If I were truly white, then I would definitely have to go tanning. And I hate tanning. -_-

We're going to change the world, people. One fruit classification at a time.

Wait, cream isn't a fruit. Dude, word up, there's a problem. Darn it...